Now, more than ever, boss babes need to rise up and support other ambitious women who break the mold and defy definition. Be A Lady, the viral video from Cinthia Nixon, has a powerful message that’s getting us fired up in all the right ways.

Chances are, if you’re a female, you’ve experienced what it’s like to never feel good enough and to be told: “just be a lady”.

Not being smart enough, being too smart.
Not being thin enough, being too thin.
Not being outgoing enough, being too outgoing.

Let’s be honest, as a woman, there is “no chance” that you haven’t felt some sort of impossible dilemma before; some sort of expectation you could never meet because you were damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

But trust me, sister, you’re not alone.

Earlier this year, an absolute killer short film was released addressing these exact kinds of impossible standards women are held to on a daily basis and girl, it’s gone viral.

Like over 8 million views on Vimeo viral… And if you haven’t seen it, go watch it now!

No seriously, I’ll wait.

Mic. Drop. Right!

So we couldn’t close out March 2020 — Women’s History Month — without shouting out it and the very real, very sensitive topics it covers.

Be a lady, the said.

What in the world does “be a lady” even mean?

In the video, Cynthia Nixon, most famous for her role as Miranda Hobbs on Sex & The City narrates a 2017 blog titled, “Be a lady, they said” written by Camille Rainville.

Here’s a snippet:

Be a lady they said. Don’t talk too loud. Don’t talk too much. Don’t take up space. Don’t sit like that. Don’t stand like that. Don’t be intimidating. Why are you so miserable? Don’t be a bitch. Don’t be so bossy. Don’t be assertive. Don’t overact. Don’t be so emotional. Don’t cry. Don’t yell. Don’t swear. Be passive. Be obedient. Endure the pain. Be pleasing. Don’t complain…

Sounds familiar right?

So imagine this for a second, if we were all in the same room together right now, and I said “stand up if you can relate to anything mentioned in the video”, I can guarantee no one would be sitting. Every. Single. One of us, has probably experienced almost all of these things at one point or another.

Which is both heartbreaking and uniting all at the same time.

So who created these impossible ideals?

While I’m sure the feminist in us all wants to say “blame it on the men”, it’s all their fault! The truth is, it’s a little bit of all of us. There’s obviously not one specific place in time we could go back to and say this is where it all began, this is where it started, but somehow, in little ways throughout history, these sorts of ideas were introduced and perpetuated until they became so common they were like the air we breathe.

And whether or not it’s our intention, each of us has played a part in reinforcing these ideas within society.

We gossip and judge each other. “She’s let herself go. She got so fat. What a know-it-all. What a slut.”

We compete with one another in unhealthy ways. “If only I looked more like that. I’ll never be as cool as her.”

We literally kill ourselves trying to be everything to everyone at all times.

And though our intention is not to add to the problem, it’s easy to see how we do.

Above all, how do we fix it?

“Be a lady, they said” lays out all the impossible expectations we’re held to, and it’s not fun to see all together there is it? #triggered

So there are two extremely important ways we can start to change the dialogue.

Firstly, we need to throw out these impossible and damaging social constructs. Throw them out girl! Or more simply…

DO whatever and BE whoever we damn right choose to!

Most importantly, there’s so much beauty in all of us, exactly as we are. Now I’m not saying it’s wrong if you want to change something about yourself. I’m saying make those decisions for you and no one else. In other words, trying to fit into what you think others want you to be is the quickest way to unhappiness.   

Secondly, we need to stop adding fuel to the fire and start supporting our fellow badass lady friends instead of judging and competing with one another.

That is to say, if you want to be accepted for who you are, why doesn’t the girl next to you also deserve that? When we come together and build each other up instead of tearing each other down imagine the magical things that can happen.

I mean, that’s what Boss Babe is all about right?

So cheers to all of you amazing women out there, be whoever the hell you want to be!

Need some inspo from some killer women? Check out 15 Badass Entrepreneurial Women That Shaped History.

Being able to capture the attention of your audience — be it an auditorium of hundreds of people, a conference room, a one-on-one conversation or an Instagram Live — is a crucial skill for anyone aspiring to hold a leadership position.

Ever catch yourself saying, “This might be stupid, but…”? Or how about, “You might not agree with this, but…” We all do it. But it can be done to a fault, particularly in the workplace where you want to project confidence and self-assurance.

And what’s to gain? If what you end up saying does happen to be stupid or disagreeable, you’re going to find out as soon as you say it. If, however, you preface what you’re going to say with the suggestion that it might be stupid, you’re planting the seed that your opinions are worthless.

Given the reality of the glass ceiling, you want to give yourself every possible chance to succeed. The goal is to remove obstacles, not create more. Doing this is as simple as paying attention to the way that you speak. Here’s what you need to know…

What makes someone instantly trustworthy?

On a primitive, neurochemical level, the brain wants to know whether someone can be trusted or not. A 2015 study done by McGill University researchers Xiaoming Jiang and Marc Pell discovered that our brains assess the confidence level of whoever is speaking to us in under a second.

That doesn’t allow much wiggle room for charming humility. By the time you’re saying, “This might sound stupid…” your listener’s brain has flipped the off switch, so to speak.

The brain’s natural proclivity is to trust tones that are lower in pitch, have a flatter intonation and a faster speech rate. 

Tones that have a higher pitch, a slower speech rate and, most importantly, rise in pitch at the end like a suggestive question – i.e. upspeak – are neurologically considered not confident.

Higher and lower pitches – faster and slower speech rates – it’s all a tad abstract. How are we supposed to know if we’re talking high or low, fast or slow? As women, our voices are going to naturally be higher than men’s. 

Are you asking or telling?

What’s not abstract though is ending statements as questions. This is kind of a tall order as even the most confident among us fall prey to the occasional upspeak. The point is to be aware of it. Be aware of the tone with which you finish your statements. If you catch yourself frequently ending your statements in a question, it might be worthwhile to examine why.

A great place to study tone is TED Talks. You’ll notice that speaker after speaker does not use disclaimers or end their statements in upspeak. This is because, as a Ted Talk speaker, they need to project confidence and expertise.

Society would like women to remain insecure and unsure of what they’re saying. That might be why we – more often than men – use upspeak and preface our points with disclaimers.

So, the question remains: are you feeling insecure about what you’re saying or who you’re speaking to? If the answer is no and you internally do feel confident about what you’re saying then there’s really no need to finish your statements as questions.

Again, give yourself a fighting chance in the professional world where you’ll be up against men overflowing with overconfidence.

You’ve got their attention, how do you keep it?

When you want people to buy into you and/or your message, tell stories. Since the beginning of time, humans have connected through stories. If you want to make a memorable point, tell a story. That will drive home the moral more surely than the most well-reasoned abstract argument. 

Storytelling provides a common ground where people can share their experiences with others. Although each person may interpret the story differently, everyone gets the point, and it increases the chance of the audience connecting with the speaker.

In fact, a 2010 research study done by Princeton University neuroscientists Greg Stephens, Lauren Silbert, and Uri Hasson found that when one person tells a story, the brains of the listeners tend to synchronize (i.e., light up in the same ways). Moreover, they discovered that successful storytelling creates neural coupling between speaker and listener, meaning the same areas of the brain in both speaker and listener light up.

These general findings support the idea that communicating through storytelling creates a mental dance between a speaker and an engaged listener.

If you aspire to one day have your own TED Talk, lead meetings at your company, or simply run a brand that people trust, grabbing and holding people’s attention will make or break you. Follow these tips to capture audience attention and you will instantly boost your chances of success in business and in life.

“Unapologetically ambitious” is the BossBabe mantra. As part of this ambition, boss babes often have huge goals. While having these goals can be exciting and inspiring, it’s common to also feel paralyzed by overwhelm when getting started.

How to Reach Any Goal in 3 Steps

1. Know what you want.

The most important step to reaching any goal is to be crystal clear about what you want. Think about what you desire most in life – really define it. As long as your goals are fuzzy, your results will be mediocre. For the next year, choose no more than five goals to work toward, preferably three or less. Keeping your goals concise will release the power of focus, which is crucial to your success.

2. Plan.

Your goal-setting process should include all the different characteristics of SMART goals. Once they are well defined, write out the specific action steps you need to take. If they seem so big that listing their action steps seems too overwhelming, break the goal into major phases and then list the steps. Schedule these specific steps as blocks in your calendar, so that you have a timeline for when each goal will be accomplished.

3. Take massive action.

To achieve ten times the results, the 10X guru Grant Cardone says you need to “take massive action”. Now that you’re clear on your goals and have an action plan to move you toward them, commit to taking these steps daily. This often involves saying no to opportunities that don’t align with your priorities, as well as significantly eliminating distractions, such as TV and social media. And as the infamous quote BossBabe quote says, “You can get a lot done in one day”.

Now that you know how to reach any goal, it’s time to start. Write down your goals, create a plan, and take action, babe!

Want to learn more about goal-setting strategies that actually work? Check out these tips from the BossBabe founders.

Sarah Jane Ponce is a Financial advisor and Co-Founder of Audiocreatives. Sarah Jane and her husband Edward, has been producing hassle-free podcasting for 4 years. Allowing podcast host to focus on recording episodes and have more time with their business and other things they love.
Although she graduated in Automotive Engineering Technology and studied Management, she finds herself passionate in producing and growing podcast. She helps empower young mothers and children from broken families towards having a positive outlook in life, unlocking their potentials and promoting self-love.